Sunday, 2 June 2013

Am I That Patient?

So You Think Your Sexual Issues Are Unique?

I've had dozens of messages by now from people who think they might be one of the patients whose case is published in The Pimlico Tapes. The messages are all very similar in that the sender believes that their sexual predilections and behaviours are so unique that what is written can only be about them. Samantha who is has a thing about having sex in public and gets arrested in a cinema is a popular case. I recently began tweeting that this occurred in Chiswick in order to reduce the number of women who thought it was about them. Chiswick cinema must be see a great deal of illicit sex, because I'm still getting about 6 accusations a month!

The truth is, I believe, that there is very little in the often dark world of sexual behaviour that is unique. If you've thought about it, millions have probably done it. Since I published The Pimlico Tapes, this has been reinforced dozens of times. In the last month I have received twelve e-mails from parents saying that Elizabeth – the one who has sex around the house with builders, phone repairmen and boys from college in order for her parents to catch her at it. She's convinced her mum enjoys it as she always stands and watches for several minutes until the guy has an orgasm – is definitely their daughter. I have also had two different solicitor's letters warning against further revelations about high society nymphomaniac Lavinia. The vicar of a church in Suffolk has written to me saying he thinks Lionel is one of his congregation, while a Salvation Army minister in Cirencester has asserted the same. Amanda the TV journalist has had numerous claimants – some from TV viewers (many of whom seem to be obsessed with female newsreaders) - some from concerned female journalists and one from a television company. Many male actors seem to suffer from erectile disfunction as a result of too much philandering with make-up girls etc, if e-mails received are anything to go by and about an equal number sneak off to Amsterdam to meet transgender sex-workers in backstreet garages. Three women claim to have had experiences with Terry (or the man who he's based on), who loses interest in adventurous penetrative sex in favour of watching women shave their legs or stroke themselves with a feather. And so the list goes on. Some of the messages are quite fascinating and might actually warrant a book of their own!

I am guessing that readers of The Pimlico Tapes are at this moment feeling cheated. What of Virginia, I hear them ask?

I have lost track of the number of people who claim to know Virginia. Virginia is by far the most popular candidate. Many people believe they know her or actually believe they are her. Some feel that every detail – her childhood antics, sex with young men at night in the local laundry, predatory behaviour at university campuses, and especially the obsession about sexual adventures on trains in old films – fits with their own life. I can only say if they are anything like Virginia, they must be extremely popular. There are a countless number of fans who have contacted me to say how much they absolutely love Virginia.  Men and women alike seem to adore her. It's not just her voracious sexual appetite they like. I think predominantly it is her straightforward honesty and lack of shame. She has a clean, fun-loving approach to sex and doesn't mind who knows it. I wasn't surprised that men liked this, but I confess to being shocked by how many seemingly conservative women express admiration for her. I find it quite reassuring. In fact on more than one occasion I have written back to such ladies, suggesting that if they love her so much, they should try to emulate her. Watch out for that one coming your way guys!

Brief Encounter - Trains & Sexual Obsession